Are we human?

So the new Killers video came out a few weeks ago, "Human," and I've been too busy to actually get around to writing about it here. Shocking, considering last year I would've jumped at the chance to write about Brandon Flowers' new shoes! I suppose I've gotten a little burned out on the band, though. I still love them, of course, but there's too much in the real world pulling me away from music.

For those who've missed it, you can catch the whole video over on YouTube, though embedding has been disabled.

So what do I think? Well, it sounds a lot like the first album, Hot Fuss. Slap some guyliner on Brandon and it'd be hard to not assume it was from the Mr. Brightside days. The difference, however, is that it has a more longing sound to it than the first album. The angst is a bit more mellow and it doesn't have any real passion. Not necessarily a bad thing, since sometimes you don't want to listen to stuff as driving as, say, "Andy, You're a Star", but it's noticeably mellowed.

It's got me pretty hopeful about what the third album is going to sound like. Here are the lyrics:

I did my best to notice
When the call came down the line
Up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind
And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes
Clear your heart...
Cut the cord

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance,
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye
Wish me well..
You've got to let me go

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answers
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?

Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know is your heart still beating

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answers

You've got to let me know

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answers
Are we human
Or are we dancer?

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?

Are we human
Or are we dancer?

Today couldn't get any better

I'd been tuning out the Killers news recently, since I've been drifting more towards different bands, and somehow I had missed the fact that Brandon Flowers shaved off the 'stache. This is clearly proof that God loves me and wants me to be happy.

Oh, also, the Killers won some awards and stuff. Yeah.

They won Best Track for "Tranquilize" and Best Band at the NME Awards USA.

Unrealistic Beauty Standards...and a Contest!

I'm personally responsible for the eating disorders and low self-esteem of thousands of men, incapable of attaining the unrealistic beauty standards I inflict upon them.

Before:


After:

For those unaware, this is Darren Hayes, a London-based Australian musician, former lead-singer of Savage Garden. In most pictures, he is unspeakably delicious looking, so the unflattering picture I started with was a bit bizarre. But, he isn't the only incredibly attractive man to be done a horrible disservice by an ugly, ugly picture.

Yes, I am, of course, speaking of Brandon Flowers. I just don't believe I have the skills to do anything about that monstrosity from NME, but I bet one of you does. And, in an attempt to beautify the world beyond reasonable expectations, Parthenogenetic is going to have a contest.

The Contest:

1. You must use this picture. It can be added to, but the original picture must be identifiable.
2. Send all entries in .jpg format to ohgodmaketheuglystop@hotmail.com. Deadline is May 15, 2008.
3. Entries will be judged by popular vote right here. The picture with the most votes will win. Voting will be from May 16-May 26, with the winner announced on May 27.
4. The winner will receive his or her choice of t-shirt, some buttons, and bragging rights for having made the world a slightly prettier place.

Good luck!

My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

PG: Remember when Brandon Flowers was cute?
HB: Where is he?
HB: HOLY CRAP
HB: *cries*
HB: He looks like the unabomber
PG: He doesn't look even remotely attractive.
PG: Just...ew.
HB: Like a pervert.
PG: Yeah, like somebody's picture on a sex offender registry!
HB: YES
HB: BRANDON! WHY?
HB: WHYYYYYYYYYYYY
PG: He must think being ugly will make people take him seriously as a musician or something.
HB: Or something.
PG: Dude. You're twenty-six. Stop looking like a dirty old man!

In other news, The Killers are saying their new album will be done before the Reading and Leeds Festival in August. Hopefully they'll hose Brandon down and shave him before promoting it.

The Killers Win NME 2008 Best International Band

I could try to describe the acceptance speech, but it's probably best if you just watch the video, which involves Brandon Flowers talking about God at Mike Tyson's prompting. No, I'm not joking.

Ultimate Helter Skelter

So, there were the Killers, right? And the Vines. And the Howling Bells. And Louis XIV. All on stage. All doing a cover of the Beatles' "Helter Skelter". Whether or not it compares to the original is irrelevant. The point here isn't for the music to sound good (though it doesn't sound bad) but to just be the biggest, most intense spectacle possible.

And they succeed.

That stage is so crowded with artists, halfway through I was expecting the song to shift to "The Ultimate Showdown (of Ultimate Destiny)" by Lemon Demon and Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick Craig Nicholls in the head.

Covers That Will Never Be: "Little Girls"

There are some songs that are so deeply entrenched in their own time that it would be almost impossible to ever, ever record the song again. From a cultural perspective, we can enjoy a lot of this music still, but it would be career suicide for any modern artist to try to cover it. One such song is Oingo Boingo's "Little Girls."

This is probably among the creepiest of videos I've ever seen--perhaps even rivaling the cat with human hands--and the whole concept of it is deeply disturbing. How in the hell did Danny Elfman get away with singing a song about lusting for young girls with a whole lot of violent subtext? And then, as if that wasn't bizarre enough, the video actually embraces that subtext by having Elfman smothered in women dressed like preteens and violently tossing a shrinking woman off into a void. Oh, yeah, and then there's the kiss, which makes me twitch every time I watch it.

The midgets don't really help, either.

I cannot comprehend someone producing this song or video nowadays. But, in the bizarro world where somebody could get away with it, the perfect band to cover it would be The Killers. They already have the knack for sounding like they just walked right out of the '80s and they love doing covers from that decade, so it'd be right up their alley.

And possibly the only way to make this video any creepier would be to work Brandon Flowers' funny uncle mustache into it.

Quotes, Sawdust and Ramblings

"We used to get pimps going to the hotels a lot. They would promise a good tip as you loaded the car. They never would. Pimps and gypsies, terrible tippers."
- Brandon Flowers, Q Magazine, January 2008

This was a really good Cash for Questions interview with the band. The whole "multiple wives" thing about Mormons came up and Brandon handled it pretty gracefully, but I'd have to think that sort of thing would really start to piss off an LDS celebrity after a while.

So, I've been listening to Sawdust, trying to decide what I think of it. At first, I was a little underwhelmed by it, but I've found a few of the songs stuck in my head at random moments and their version of Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits is one of my favorite covers ever. It's all the parts of the original I loved, without the parts that seem a little painfully 1980s now. This slow appreciation is sort of how I'd come to love The Killers in the first place, so I guess it makes sense it took a while for the B sides and rarities album to get to me.

And for some bizarre reason, their version of Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town really, really works for me.

Don't ever say I don't listen

On the advice of an anonymous comment, I went looking for the Don't Shoot Me Santa video by the Killers. I...may actually need a couple of glasses of wine before I can make it all the way through this.

I humbly recant my statement that they were taking themselves too seriously. My love is restored. Thank you.

New Killers Video, Shadowplay

Here's yet another new video from the Killers, and nearly as uninspired as the last one. It's their cover of Joy Division's Shadowplay from the B-sides album, with scenes from the recent Ian Curtis Biopic Control interwoven with incredibly lifeless snippets of the band.

I think the big problem here is that they're taking themselves far, far too seriously. Back when they made silly videos with things like stealing donkeys from midgets and ripping off Moulin Rouge, it was entertaining. It was fun. They were a cute band with a nice retro sound, after all. Then, somewhere along the way they got the idea that they were serious artistes and it all went to shit. Obviously, something needs to be done.

Dear Mr. Flowers,

You do not have gravitas. You completely and utterly lack gravitas. The mustache isn't making people take you seriously. It's just stupid. You look like a depressed pubescent Italian girl in need of a wax. Go back to singing about cross-dressing or girlfriends cheating on you or what-the-fuck-ever you used to sing about. And then make a video with a giant chicken and women trying to kill you with spoons. It'll help.

Tranquilize Video

This video premieres in the UK in about two hours, so of course it's already on the Internet. Enjoy.

The Murder Trilogy

Played publicly for the first time since they signed with a label, the Killers performed the first part of their murder trilogy--"Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf"--along with the other two songs at the 40 Watt Club in Athens, Georgia on October 12th.

It's obvious that the song was written during their early days, since it has a decidedly different sound to it from Sam's Town or some of the pieces they've written for soundtracks. It works pretty well with "Midnight Show" and "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine" and all the super fans will feel the need to complete the set, which is probably why they added it to Sawdust. Oh, they can say what they like about feeling the need to share these songs with fans, but we know the real reasoning here.

On a completely different topic from the music, it's interesting to note that despite rumors of his "bloated rockstar figure", Brandon Flowers is looking pretty damn svelte on stage. And, he appears to have groomed the 'stache of doom. His arms are looking a little more defined, too. His singing? Oh, sorry. Didn't notice that.

New album from the Killers

Sawdust--a rarities, remixes and B sides album from the Killers--will be available in the US on November 13, 2007. The band has already released a single from this album, however, titled "Tranquilize" and featuring the vocals of Lou Reed of the Velvet Underground in a duet with Brandon Flowers. A video for the single is planned, though has yet to be released. Lyrics and a preview of the song can be found here.

One exciting aspect of the album is that it will include a song that had been cut from their debut album, Hot Fuss. The song is "Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf" and is the first part in the murder trilogy of songs which includes "Midnight Show" and "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine."

The track listing:

1. Tranquilize
2. Shadowplay
3. All The Pretty Faces
4. Leave The Bourbon On The Shelf
5. Sweet Talk
6. Under The Gun
7. Where The White Boys Dance
8. Show You How
9. Move Away
10. Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll
11. Who Let You Go?
12. The Ballad of Michael Valentine
13. Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town
14. Daddy's Eyes
15. Sam's Town (Abbey Road Version)
16. Romeo and Juliet
17. Mr. Brightside (Jacques Lu Cont's Thin White Duke Remix)

So does he taste of potato chips?

Rufus Wainwright has said that he and Brandon Flowers finally got around to meeting a second time and discussing the song "Tulsa" that he had written about their first meeting. Unlike my prediction, it hadn't occurred at T in the Park, but the next day at Oxegen. I have to have earned some points for being close there, though.

Rufus had this to say about their second meeting:

I saw him in Ireland. We were doing a festival together. He was very sweet, quite bashful, and gave me a nice big kiss on the cheek. We'll take it from there.

However, that isn't the only thing Mr. Wainwright has had to say recently about the Killers frontman. This is from the introduction of "Tulsa" at a recent concert:

Just a brief gossip blip before the weekend

On July 7 of this year, Rufus Wainwright and the Killers both performed at T in the Park in Scotland before hopping over to Ireland to perform at Oxegen. Since Wainwright had said he was still waiting for a response to his song "Tulsa", I had wondered if he and Brandon Flowers might have a second meeting.

There was never any news about the two talking, but an interesting factoid was that Wainwright didn't play "Tulsa" at either show, despite the fact that it's been a part of his regular set for quite some time. Did Flowers ask him to stop performing it or did it just seem uncomfortably stalkerish to play the song when the subject was so close at hand?

Whatever was said about the song, "Tulsa" has been performed at shows since so Wainwright obviously hasn't decided to stop using it. The absence at the two big festivals might be explained by the fact that it's a very difficult song to play and Wainwright just didn't want to risk messing up at such a large venue. Maybe.

However, at a recent concert in Vancouver it was noted that Wainwright's typical introduction to the song "Tulsa" has changed. He's not saying that he's waiting for a response anymore. Instead, he said:

"Didn't succeed in seducing him. So. Failure"

Picture courtesy of Rebecca Blissett.

The Splendor Which Is Google Trends

I've recently discovered the most fun toy ever. I've always enjoyed using search engines to gauge the relative idiocy of my fellow humans, but Google Trends makes the whole process that much simpler. Instead of popping some phrase or word into a search engine and seeing how many hits come up, you can use Google Trends to compare how often people did searches for various things.

To start out, I decided to put John Lennon to the test and compared the Beatles vs Jesus Christ. Turns out, the boys from Liverpool kick the carpenter's ass. However, the Beatles really aren't all that popular. It turns out that people just don't try to find Jesus with Google all that much. The Beatles vs U2 has U2 easily dominating the playing field for the past three years. But, U2 isn't at the top of the game, I'm afraid. U2 vs Beyonce has had some reversals over the years, but currently it looks like Beyonce is reigning supreme.

Google Trends also makes it easy to follow raging cultural debates. Long has man wrestled with the choice between Beyonce and Fergie. Bootylicious or Fergalicious? Sultry sweetness or skanky sex? Beyonce still comes out on top, but it's a close race. Fergie could overtake her at any moment.

And what about famous feuds? For instance, The Killers and Green Day both desperately want to be U2 (when really, as the results above should show, anyone with sense would want to be Beyonce). Killers frontman Brandon Flowers has been rather outspoken in his disgust for the anti-Americanism of Green Day. Has his patriotism rewarded him? Alas, no. The Killers vs Green Day ends with Green Day noticeably ahead, though the Killers did outdo them briefly in September and October 2006. However, in Brandon Flowers vs Billie Joe Armstrong we find that Flowers has remained ahead of Armstrong pretty consistently since February of this year.

I'm still searching for a band or musician who tops Beyonce. High School Musical has managed to, but there's an unfair advantage there as this is a movie and not an actual band. She even beats Elvis and Iraq (though barely). Technically, she's beat by Britney Spears, but again I don't think this one counts. Chances are good searches for Britney are more for scary, scary stories than interest in music. Linkin Park briefly eclipsed her in May of this year and now they're neck and neck, much like her and Fergie.

And though his 'Net trendiness might not be on par with the big name bands (though as a solo performer, he beats the lead singers of the above bands), I'll have you know that Rufus Wainwright completely pwns Cheez Whiz.

New Flower Child

As of Saturday July 14, the Killers' frontman Brandon Flowers and his wife Tana were the proud parents of a baby boy. They've yet to release the name of their son.

Despite the fact that Brandon Flowers tends to overshare in interviews, he's actually pretty good at keeping a wrap on his personal life with his wife, so it's not much of a surprise that nobody had heard about the baby being born until days later.

Picture by Torey Mundkowsky, 2007.

Brandon Flowers Is an Idiot

I love the Killers. I love their music. I even think Brandon Flowers is pretty cute. However, he seems to work very, very hard at annoying the entire world.

The August issue of the UK GQ just came out and in it is an interview with Brandon. In the midst of the interview, there's this exchange:

Precisely how hip-hop are you?
I like it more than emo music, if that's what you mean. I don't necessarily have a problem with the culture of hip-hop; it's the hypocrisy of people within it that I can't bare [sic]. Look at Ice Cube now, for example. He's in some awful kid's movie, playing happy families with a couple of ten-year-olds. This is the man who was one of the founding members of NWA. I just don't get the turnaround.

Aside from the fact that the copy editors at GQ seem to be confused about the difference in meaning between "bare" and "bear" (what, is Flowers incapable of stripping hypocrisy naked?), Brandon doesn't know what hypocrisy is. Oh, I find Ice Cube's movies pretty annoying, too, but there isn't anything hypocritical about them, as I don't recall NWA's hit single "I Hate Kid's Movies and Will Never Be in One." Yeah, Ice Cube has written some pretty violent lyrics in the past, but that doesn't somehow make him a hypocrite for being involved in family entertainment now. The two things are entirely unrelated.

I mean, that'd be like saying some guy is a hypocrite for writing songs such as "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine" or "Midnight Show" about killing women and then, you know, marrying some chick and having a family. The two aren't mutually exclusive and have nothing to do with hypocrisy.

Brandon Fits the Brando Mold?

[Brandon Flowers and Rufus Wainwright, picture courtesy of Matt Miner.]

"He is so sexy yet so unhappy and also somewhat sane and crazy at the same time. I haven't met anyone who quite fits the Brando mould as much as he does immediately. There's this dark, moody, restless, annoyed but compassionate figure that's sucking up all the energy out of the room." - Rufus Wainwright, on why he wrote the song "Tulsa" about Brandon Flowers.

The story goes that Rufus was out after a concert and he got turned away from a gay bar for not having his ID on him. He found himself another bar in Tulsa, Oklahoma and who should arrive while he's there but the Killers. He didn't get to know Brandon, the frontman of the Killers, too well that night, but was apparently a bit taken with what he saw of Mr. Flowers. When the song was written, the encounter in Tulsa was the first and only time the two had ever met.

The lyrics of the song in question:

You taste of potato chips in the morning
Your face has the Marlon Brando club calling
And who would have thought that I'd owe it all to Tulsa?
And that fat guy with the green shirt that we both signed together
Once he hears the song, won't live it down forever

Your suit was the whitest thing since you-know-who
I fear that that savior I mentioned may be you
And who would have thought that I'd owe it all to Tulsa?
And that poor girl who waited in the rain for hours to meet me (not you, baby!)
Once she hears that song, won't live it down completely

And I owe it all to Tulsa, Oklahoma
This is just a reminder of the antique shop that I want to go back to and visit when it's open
In Tulsa, Oklahoma
Just in case you don't appreciate this song about you!

With Rufus being openly gay and Brandon the posterboy for metrosexuality, it's unsurprising that there are rumors the song was inspired by some sort of tryst. That potato chips line really makes you wonder. But, if Brandon is in the closet it's pretty doubtful that Rufus had anything going on with him. Mr. Wainwright has stated before that he doesn't think outing people against their will is a very ethical thing to do.

The whole Brando thing that Rufus mentions is pretty easy to see and it's rather obviously been alluded to before in photoshoots with Brandon:


Rufus has mentioned that he's waiting for a response from Brandon regarding the song. Since both of them were at T in the Park in Scotland yesterday, I'm wondering if they ever had a second meeting?