The Splendor Which Is Google Trends

I've recently discovered the most fun toy ever. I've always enjoyed using search engines to gauge the relative idiocy of my fellow humans, but Google Trends makes the whole process that much simpler. Instead of popping some phrase or word into a search engine and seeing how many hits come up, you can use Google Trends to compare how often people did searches for various things.

To start out, I decided to put John Lennon to the test and compared the Beatles vs Jesus Christ. Turns out, the boys from Liverpool kick the carpenter's ass. However, the Beatles really aren't all that popular. It turns out that people just don't try to find Jesus with Google all that much. The Beatles vs U2 has U2 easily dominating the playing field for the past three years. But, U2 isn't at the top of the game, I'm afraid. U2 vs Beyonce has had some reversals over the years, but currently it looks like Beyonce is reigning supreme.

Google Trends also makes it easy to follow raging cultural debates. Long has man wrestled with the choice between Beyonce and Fergie. Bootylicious or Fergalicious? Sultry sweetness or skanky sex? Beyonce still comes out on top, but it's a close race. Fergie could overtake her at any moment.

And what about famous feuds? For instance, The Killers and Green Day both desperately want to be U2 (when really, as the results above should show, anyone with sense would want to be Beyonce). Killers frontman Brandon Flowers has been rather outspoken in his disgust for the anti-Americanism of Green Day. Has his patriotism rewarded him? Alas, no. The Killers vs Green Day ends with Green Day noticeably ahead, though the Killers did outdo them briefly in September and October 2006. However, in Brandon Flowers vs Billie Joe Armstrong we find that Flowers has remained ahead of Armstrong pretty consistently since February of this year.

I'm still searching for a band or musician who tops Beyonce. High School Musical has managed to, but there's an unfair advantage there as this is a movie and not an actual band. She even beats Elvis and Iraq (though barely). Technically, she's beat by Britney Spears, but again I don't think this one counts. Chances are good searches for Britney are more for scary, scary stories than interest in music. Linkin Park briefly eclipsed her in May of this year and now they're neck and neck, much like her and Fergie.

And though his 'Net trendiness might not be on par with the big name bands (though as a solo performer, he beats the lead singers of the above bands), I'll have you know that Rufus Wainwright completely pwns Cheez Whiz.

How to Annoy an Irish Folksinger

So there I am at Frank O'Dowd's Irish Pub, listening to Paul McHugh play. The food, drink and crowd are all good. There's a warm atmosphere of conviviality. McHugh is up there on the stage, playing traditional Irish music along with various folksongs and even some American country, all on his acoustic guitar. The general vibe is upbeat and playful. A few dirty ditties and drinking songs are mixed in there.

Then, some jackass requests "Danny Boy".

If you're going to go to a place called "Frank O'Dowd's Irish Pub" inside of a hotel called "the Irish Cottage" and listen to an Irish musician, it might be a good idea to not request "Danny Boy".

I like the song well enough, when I hear it performed by someone who performs it well. The grand majority of the world, however, doesn't perform it well. You need to sing a pretty broad range of notes and most people's voices simply aren't up for it. I've been told that my grandfather used to sing it beautifully, but I have no memory of ever hearing him sing it. The grand majority of times that I have heard it live, it's been because some jackass requested it because, hey, the guy singing has an Irish accent!

This is akin to going to a random rock concert and screaming out, "Free Bird!" It's obnoxious and marks you as a clueless idiot, generally.

But, the group who requested "Danny Boy" managed to outdo themselves. I didn't think it was possible, but they managed to make an even stupider request. They requested "Sunday Bloody Sunday."

In case you weren't paying attention, go back to the first paragraph. McHugh is by himself on stage with an acoustic guitar. I mean, seriously, the hell? These people didn't appear to be drunk, either. I can only assume that they were trying to think of every song they knew of that had been written by an Irishman and, pathetically, those were the only two that they could think of. Also, to make matters worse, "Danny Boy" was actually written by an Englishman.

So let this be a lesson to you. Should you ever go to an pub and listen to an Irish guy with his guitar, do not request "Danny Boy" unless you know for a fact that this guy does a killer version of it. And for God's sake, don't request "Sunday Bloody Sunday" from anyone who isn't wearing sunglasses and rambling about the poor starving children.